Month-end Present

I know you should have said it better and easier, but.. well.. you did it anyway.

With that nothing-happened-so-stop-asking-me-questions look on your face, you finally said the words so I can call it mine.

"I got this for you. It's for you."

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...

So..

Thank you. Thank you for your thoughtfulness. 

Up until now I'm still feeling like a little girl who got puppy on her birthday. Because it's not even my birthday, I'm feeling super excited yet blessed.

Next time, prepare some words before dropping the bomb, buddy!

Oceans

Rating:	★★★★
Category:	Movies
Genre:	Documentary

Having missed the previous DisneyNature's movie, Earth... I felt like I have to watch Oceans, no matter how.

So, there was I. Sitting on my least favorite movie theater seat, alone. Hoping for the best scenes, and hoping to get wet!

Most of the scenes were jaw-dropping scenes. They're beautifully shot, breathtakingly captured. I found my self saying "wow" whenever something interesting shown. I love when the mighty great whale jumped, not one, not two, but three times. It was very fascinating!

There were also funny scenes: the parasites story were very funny. And cute yet heartfelt scenes about dolphins, walruses, and so on. But I wasn't ready for the heart-breaking, most devastating scenes. I cried. Silently cried for 3 minutes. I couldn't hold my tears. I am a bloody-war-movie person, but I guess I can't handle the amazing creatures being helplessly trapped and killed by human.

The movie was GREAT. Highly recommended for everyone. Just be prepared for emotion sickness.

Répondez S'il Vous Plaît

I wish... I wish you would understand the meaning of RSVP. Literally and figuratively.

Based on this source, RSVP stands for "répondez s'il vous plaît". It's French expression.
On an invitation, if RSVP is written it means the invited guest must tell the host whether or not they plan to attend the party. It does not mean to respond only if you're coming, and it does not mean respond only if you're not coming (the expression "regrets only" is reserved for that instance). It means the host needs a definite head count for the planned event, and needs it by the date specified on the invitation.

Why it's inconsiderate to NOT RSVP? An incomplete list of respondents can cause numerous problems for a host including difficulty in planning food quantities, issues relating to minimum guarantees with catering halls, uncertainty over the number of party favors and difficulties in planning appropriate seating, among other things.

But what if it's not a party? What if it's a simple meet-up over cups of coffee? Why bother to RSVP? I've experienced too many meet-up failures, most of the failures caused by you. I waited and waited and you didn't show up. I waited and I waited to your responds but there were zero respond. It's canceled because of nothing. No confirmation, no explanation. It's time wasting, energy wasting, money wasting. And you know what? It's disappointing. I might lose the trustworthiness.

So, I wonder why it's very hard for you to let me know? I can handle cancellation. It's easy. But waiting cluelessly is frustrating!

Instead, I should've spent my precious time with another significant group of people. You've wasted my precious time. And oh, thank God I have the courage to stood up alone today. My curiosity over Oceans was too big. Not getting any confirmation from you had pushed me to put on the most comfortable t-shirt and jeans and off to the theater. The movie was GREAT. I should watch it again. With or without company.

I'm soooo over digital (or virtual, whatever..) relationship. If possible, every relationship now is back to the good old days. Internet is only a 'phone-call'. Too much will cause you bills to pay. And all I'm trying to do is to make it possible, because I thought it's about maintaining our friendship. But, you don't seem like you're maintaining it.

God must really love me

If you read my previous blogs, you know how much I wrote about doors, closed doors and colorful doors. I walked through this path of way, and that path of way. Those ways were my kind of way to the future. My kind. But then, like I've posted before, one door suddenly closed. I just don't feel like talking about that door. It's closed and that's all.

After that, another door also closed, two days ago. And just today, another door closed. Three doors. Three of my so-called doors to the future, closed. In just two weeks. Here's a short story about the two latter doors.

I didn't get the government scholarship. That's my second door. 9 out of 80 candidates got the scholarship. I ranked 20.

"Keep trying, Nnisa," said somebody. "Find another scholarship!" said somebody else. I smiled and nodded. They pat my shoulder and I felt glad.

Two days later, which is today.. door number three got closed. It's my door to Aceh. I don't know why, but they decided not to send me to Aceh as a volunteer. They have got me so freakin' excited by telling me that I'm a very good candidate, but then they changed their mind.

"Does your essay not good enough?" asked a friend. He wasn't trying to mock me, or mock my volunteer essay application, instead he showed how much he believes in me.

I smiled, bitterly.

"Good, though~" He mumbled.

"What?"

"Never mind." He walked away.

Good?

Aah.. I see~ Those closed doors will bring something really good to me. That's what he meant.

God must really love me.

Losing a chance on scholarship is a good thing. I can get a better scholarship. I can get a better university. I can get a better job here, better than a master degree. Who knows?

Losing the chance to volunteer is also a good thing. I can learn life lesson here, not there. I don't have to worry about sunburn that lasts at least 3 months. I might have a better chance to share and to give love to children here, not there. Who knows?

I just don't know what are the good things yet. But later, I will be very thankful to God for closing some of my doors. Right now, I'm very thankful to God for being with me through this time. Without a doubt, I know... God must really love me.

Alhamdulillah :)

Sage Tree and Colorful Doors

Once upon a time, there was a little girl. She was trying to walk away but she stumbled. On her knee, she looked up and saw a big Sage Tree. She sat down under the Sage Tree, feeling extremely tired.

The wind blew as the first deep voice heard. The next lines from a deep voice was the most sense-awakening lines for that poor little girl.

"You never know. You may have a dream, a plan, a master plan.. which is bigger than your mind could ever thought, but.. you never know. You may want to choose that blue door to walk through your uhm.. let's say future. You really like that blue door but it's locked. You need to walk through the other door. Maybe the red one, maybe the green one. Or maybe you should walk through several doors before you get to the future. You never know until you try."

She sat still.

"When trouble comes, don't ever punish yourself. Instead, try to open every possible doors wider. You're still young and you may try anything, everything. Though everything may costs a lot, at least you try.

"It's okay, little girl. It's okay to feel bad or good. Either way, it's a lesson after all."

She started to talk, "you say that.. is it okay to carelessly choose?"

The wind blew again. Somehow it sooth her terrifying heart in a second. "Sometimes, you need to release the force of some things. Even if you think that the thing is probably the most important thing."

"I know you're wise. But I never knew that you'd be this wise. I just knew that you're old. I never told you anything about my life either," she giggled.

"I was a bit like you, you know." He continued. "I thought too much over something. I loved to make a master plan and live on it. But, I learned something. To release the force of some things. Joie de vivre."

"Yea, that's what I was shocked about you. Talking about joie de vivre, I know you're not really that kind of person. You're a bit like me."

"Didn't I say that I learned from someone? That boy succeeded in teaching on how to make my life so much easier and happier."

She stared at the Sage. "Even Sage learns?"

"I live and I learn. That boy was just one of my teachers"

The little girl felt so much relieve. She stood up and hugged the old Sage Tree. "Thank you, Sage..."

"Go now. Go find more doors. Colorful doors!"

i'm sorry

hey, why are you keep doing this and that?
i'm gone already.
it's just i can't trust you anymore, rossi.
i have lost the faith in you.

i loved you.
but i'm letting it go now.
letting it fade away.
because i have lost the faith in you.


i'm sorry.

Instant Vacation: Vietnam!

I've been whining about instant vacation this past week. I needed it badly but I can't go too far, at least not for now.

But then my baby brother (who is no longer a baby.. oh how come?!) reminded me that I owe him a bowl of Pho that he was really curious about.

A couple of hour later, we're landed on the land of Vietnamese.

It's my second time in this Vietnamese restaurant. My first time was not memorable because I had something taste like chicken katsu or something. It was a fasting month and I chose not to kill my self with Vietnamese coffee although I wanted it so bad.

But this second time with Ari was quite an experience.

Ari ordered a regular bowl of beef Pho and Vietnamese coffee was my first choice.

Drip to perfection

Pairing with my coffee, I ordered a plate of fresh spring rolls.

Aromatic and fresh

It took only 3 minutes until that smoking-hot Pho finally came. Ari smiled sniffing the heavenly smoke.

"Oh my.. It is heaven!" He looked so glad.

I took a sip of the broth to find out.

"I'm going to order one for my self too, Ri!"

So there came my baby bowl of beef Pho. It's the same beef noodle but in a smaller bowl. It's a baby bowl, literally. 

A bowl of goodness

"This is a medicine. For heartache and toothache." I mumbled.

And that's all.

I spent my Saturday afternoon with my Ari. Too bad Fina wasn't around with us.

In the end of our journey, Ari listed the destinations that we already had. "Japan, Korea, Vietnam, America, uhmmm What's next, Kak?"

Next destination?

Thailand might be fun, huh?

Analogi Es Krim

Dulu, salah seorang teman baik pernah mengajak saya berdiskusi tentang sesuatu yang dia analogikan dengan "menggabung dua rasa es krim yang berbeda ke dalam satu cone". Untuk kasus itu, saya dengan tegas menolak penggabungan itu. Saya punya prinsip yang tidak bisa dia patahkan.

Sekarang, giliran saya ingin beranalogi lagi dengan penggabungan dua rasa es krim dalam satu cone. Tapi kali ini konteksnya berbeda.

Coba kita mulai dari menyetel sudut pandang. Mari lihat dari sudut pandang orang yang mengkonsumsi es krim.

Saya pribadi, entah kenapa, hanya terhadap es krim, tidak suka mencampur berbagai rasa dalam satu cone atau cup. Ketika dihadapkan kepada counter es krim dengan beragam pilihan rasa, saya hanya akan memilih satu rasa. Biasanya tidak jauh-jauh dari rasa standar, vanilla, cokelat, cookies and cream, atau coffee.

Saya punya alasan untuk tidak menggabungkannya dengan rasa lain. Saya ingin mendalami satu rasa itu dengan baik. Tidak mengintervensinya dengan 'kebahagiaan' yang bisa saya dapatkan dari es krim yang lain. Jika saya jenuh atau terbesit keinginan untuk mengintervensi kebahagiaan itu, biasanya saya hanya menambahkan topping. Itu pun harus yang menurut saya serasi, dan keserasian itu punya pakem-pakem tersendiri yang saya yakini. Misalnya, saya tidak akan menuangkan sirup strawberry di atas es krim cokelat.

Jika saya sudah terlalu lama dan sering menikmati es krim cokelat dan saya tidak bisa meninggalkannya, juga tidak bisa menggantinya dengan rasa lain, saya bisa saja menambahkan satu scoop es krim rasa lain ke dalam cone saya. Itupun kalau memang menurut saya cocok. Saya tidak akan menggabungkan es krim cokelat dengan es krim mint. Tetapi saya mungkin akan lebih bahagia menikmati es krim cokelat dan es krim vanilla secara bersamaan dibanding dengan hanya menikmati es krim cokelat.

Ini hanya masalah keyakinan dan kesiapan menghadapi perubahan dan intervensi kebahagiaan. Ketika saya merasa belum siap dan bahkan sama sekali tidak yakin, saya tidak akan pernah menggabungkan dua rasa es krim (atau tiga rasa mungkin) dalam satu cone. Cone saya tidak mampu menampung terlalu banyak kebahagiaan dalam satu waktu. Dia bisa cepat merembas dan es krim bisa cepat meleleh. Saya harus membagi kebahagiaan dalam kurung waktu yang lebih panjang, karena menurut saya, setiap rasa es krim punya tempat dan waktunya masing-masing.

Friday Return The Favor

Kamis, 6 Mei 2010.

"Sa, kamu besok ikut ya volunteering ke rumah singgah Sahabat Anak. Sama Ditha." Kalimat mendadak itu diucapkan begitu ringan oleh Pak Bos.

"Lho, tapi saya kan hanya apply untuk ke Aceh, Mas.." Jawabku. Bukan mengelak dari tugas, hanya perlu kejelasan.

"Iya, nggak apa-apa. Besok kamu ikut juga. Berangkat dari kantor jam 8 pagi."

"Oh, okay," jawabku patuh.


Jumat, 7 Mei 2010.

"Teman-teman, nanti di sana dibagi menjadi tiga kelas: kelas bahasa Inggris, kelas ketrampilan, dan kelas memasak. Annisa, kamu yang pegang kelas bahasa Inggris ya.. ditemani Rani." Ketua rombongan memberi arahan singkat dan mendadak di dalam perjalanan kami ke rumah singgah Sahabat Anak.

Pertama kali kami sampai di sana, aku merasa bingung dan kikuk. Ada sekitar dua puluh anak di sana, dan semua tampak seperti apa yang sering kulihat di jalanan. Hanya saja mereka sangat sopan.

Aku menunggu di kelas bahasa Inggris. Empat orang anak masuk satu persatu dan duduk manis di kursi. Setelah perkenalan, mereka malah mengajakku naik ke ruangan atas.
"Enak, Kak.. Adem, ada AC-nya. Belajar di sana aja!"

Lalu aku digiring ke atas.

Bukan hanya keberadaan AC yang membuatku terkejut. Keberadaan tiga unit PC juga membuatku terperangah.

Tanpa persiapan, tanpa pengetahuan, aku mengajar Bahasa Inggris. Bingung dengan apa yang harus kuajarkan, aku bertanya kepada mereka.

"Kalian sudah belajar apa saja? Aku bingung nih.. Gimana kalau kalian aja yang tanya apapun sama aku, nanti aku jelaskan."

Mereka tertawa, terkejut dan hmm.. mungkin sedikit mengejekku. Guru dadakan yang tak siap, hahaha.

Kami belajar sebentar hanya 45 menit, karena sudah masuk waktu solat Jumat. Aku dan Rani hanya bersama dua anak laki-laki non muslim, satu anak perempuan, dan satu anak laki-laki muslim bernama Ilham yang belum baligh.

Ilham, yang dari awal tampak tak antusias, memilih untuk menggambar. Dia membuat cerita bergambar, lebih tepatnya.



Kami lalu berbincang. Soal keberadaan mereka di sana, soal guru-guru yang suka mengajar di sana, dan soal ketrampilan mereka.

Tanpa sadar, perbincangan terpaku di antara aku dan seorang anak bernama Ryan. Kami membicarakan soal musik yang sangat menarik perhatiannya. Dia bilang dia bisa main keyboard. Dia kesulitan menyanyi hanya karena liriknya yang sulit. Aku membuat catatan lirik lagu berbahasa Inggris untuknya. Kemudian dia menghilang. Tak lama Ryan kembali membawa keyboard. Dan, yeah.. bisa ditebak, kami malah jadi main keyboard bersama :D

Aku memainkan satu lagu klasik dan Ryan dengan cepat bisa mengikuti sepotong pertama.

"Aku pengen belajar klasik juga deh jadinya," ungkapnya.

Hatiku nelangsa. Anak ini berbakat, tapi keadaan tak memungkinkan baginya mendapatkan pendidikan musik yang layak. Jangankan pendidikan musik, pendidikan dasar saja sulit.

"Kakak punya bukunya? Bawain dong.."

Aku tersenyum. "Boleeh.. Dua minggu lagi aku bawain yaa tapi bukan aku yang bawa, temenku dari kantor yang bawa."

"Kakak nggak ke sini dua minggu lagi?"

Aku menggeleng. "Gilirannya lain."

"Yah.."

"Bukunya pasti aku titip kok!" jawabku dan dia tersenyum.

Pukul 13.30 kami makan siang bersama. Aku memilih untuk tidak makan. Biar jatahku dimakan anak-anak itu, pikirku. Toh ice cream cone yang tadi kubeli di jalan masih menyisakan energi untukku.

Setelah makan, seharusnya kami melanjutkan pelajaran. Tapi anak-anak itu terlihat tidak antusias. Hari itu panas sekali dan sebagian besar dari mereka memilih untuk tidur-tiduran di ruang atas. Ryan dan Amir, memilih untuk belajar akuntansi bersama Mba Mira, rekan kerjaku. Sementara aku diajak main oleh seorang anak paling kecil di sana.


Namanya Gracia. Umurnya sekitar 4 tahun. Anaknya pintar dan banyak bicara. Aku suka matanya yang besar dan cokelat. Kami menggambar, bermain lempar bola, dan mewarnai kuku-kuku kami dengan spidol. 




Gracia bersamaku sampai waktunya kami berpisah. Wajahnya berubah ketika aku bilang aku harus pulang. Dia memeluk kakiku erat-erat dengan tangan kanannya, sementara tangan kirinya menggenggam ujung kemejaku. Aku tidak dibiarkan pulang dengan mudah oleh anak manis itu!


Aku mendekap Gracia. Mengusap-usap rambut cokelatnya. Aku berbisik supaya dia jadi anak yang pintar dan baik.

"Aku pulang ya, Grace... Kamu jadi anak baik yaa.."

"Iya," jawabnya dengan lesu.

"Baik-baik sama kakak-kakak yang lain yaa.."

"Iya," jawabnya lagi.

Tercekat, tapi harus berpisah. Aku menyerahkan Gracia ke Ryan. Ryan menggendongnya dan menenangkan hati adiknya.

Dan perpisahan itu terjadi. T T

Aku hanya menghabiskan 4 jam di sana dan memang belum bisa berbaur dengan mereka. Tapi beberapa anak di sana telah menyentuh hatiku. Mereka punya kehidupan yang luar biasa keras dan berat, tapi mereka juga punya semangat untuk mendapatkan kembali hak-hak mereka sebagai anak. Mereka punya semangat yang tak terbendung untuk belajar.

Ini telah menjadi pengalaman yang luar biasa dalam hidupku, dan akan menjadi pengalaman untuk tugas yang akan menanti selanjutnya di Aceh.

Sesampainya kami kembali ke kantor, rasa lelah luar biasa dan lapar baru terasa. Teman-teman kantor antusias mendengar ceritaku. Tari membagi chocolate pops untuk dimakan bersama, lumayan untuk mengisi perut kosongku. Tetapi yang benar-benar menyelamatkanku dari lapar dan sakit magh adalah ini...


Bekal makan siang Arief! Hehehehehe

"Gue tadi makan siang habis solat Jumat di kantin Giant, Nnis. Ini masih utuh, lo makan aja," ujarnya sambil menyerahkan kotak makannya yang masih terbungkus kantong plastik.

Mataku berbinar-binar. Caesar menyebutnya dengan 'melotot', hahaha.

"Beneran, Rief? Bukannya lo mau makan buat makan sore?"

"Nggak. Udah makan aja."

Heran juga aku. Bekalnya masih hangat, atau perasaanku saja?

Aku menatap bekal itu. "Nasinya banyak banget, Rief!"

"Habisin, Nnis. Nanti nasinya nangis!" kelakarnya sambil berlalu begitu saja.

Sore itu, aku lelah luar biasa tapi bahagia. Sambil menyantap bekal dari kebaikan Arief, aku meneruskan cerita pengalaman hari itu kepada Uchil, Caesar, Arief dan Tari.

Di akhir semuanya, aku berpikir.

Ini adalah hari yang baik. Kebaikan dibalas dengan kebaikan, dan begitu seterusnya. Aku mau terus membalas kebaikan dengan kebaikan, seperti yang telah terjadi hari ini.

Be very fast or flunk a class!

12.30
Ops Room



Mr X: Okay, Annisa. Now tell me about your family.

Me: Uhm.. *blaaah..blaah..blaah*

Mr. X: Have you got your TOEFL or IELTS score?

Me: Yes, sir. But I'm still waiting for my latest IELTS score. I took once and didn't get enough score for, uhm.. speaking. So I took the second one and the result will be out on this Friday.

Mr. Y: Yeah, That's not what we're really asking. I want to ask about your seriousness... Seems like you're not very serious on this. You haven't got the letter of acceptance.

Me: (Damn it!) Uhm.. I'm still making the research proposal, sir. I want to make a very good proposal, and because of that, I uhm.. am getting late.

Mr. Y: yeah, I understand that you're being very perfectionist but, there's a time limit. You've got to be very fast or.. flunk a class..

Me: (Oh crap!) *nod*

Mr. X: *stare at me or should I say, read my facial expression*

Me: I am serious, sir. Very serious.