God must really love me

If you read my previous blogs, you know how much I wrote about doors, closed doors and colorful doors. I walked through this path of way, and that path of way. Those ways were my kind of way to the future. My kind. But then, like I've posted before, one door suddenly closed. I just don't feel like talking about that door. It's closed and that's all.

After that, another door also closed, two days ago. And just today, another door closed. Three doors. Three of my so-called doors to the future, closed. In just two weeks. Here's a short story about the two latter doors.

I didn't get the government scholarship. That's my second door. 9 out of 80 candidates got the scholarship. I ranked 20.

"Keep trying, Nnisa," said somebody. "Find another scholarship!" said somebody else. I smiled and nodded. They pat my shoulder and I felt glad.

Two days later, which is today.. door number three got closed. It's my door to Aceh. I don't know why, but they decided not to send me to Aceh as a volunteer. They have got me so freakin' excited by telling me that I'm a very good candidate, but then they changed their mind.

"Does your essay not good enough?" asked a friend. He wasn't trying to mock me, or mock my volunteer essay application, instead he showed how much he believes in me.

I smiled, bitterly.

"Good, though~" He mumbled.

"What?"

"Never mind." He walked away.

Good?

Aah.. I see~ Those closed doors will bring something really good to me. That's what he meant.

God must really love me.

Losing a chance on scholarship is a good thing. I can get a better scholarship. I can get a better university. I can get a better job here, better than a master degree. Who knows?

Losing the chance to volunteer is also a good thing. I can learn life lesson here, not there. I don't have to worry about sunburn that lasts at least 3 months. I might have a better chance to share and to give love to children here, not there. Who knows?

I just don't know what are the good things yet. But later, I will be very thankful to God for closing some of my doors. Right now, I'm very thankful to God for being with me through this time. Without a doubt, I know... God must really love me.

Alhamdulillah :)